How to Keep A Man and His Attention
Keeping a man’s attention is one of the main problems things women face when it comes to dating and relationships. As a man, I can’t tell you how to get a man (at least not in this post) you already know how to do that. I’d rather focus on helping you keep a man. You already know that wearing the right dress, showing extra cleavage, displaying a little thigh meat, contouring makeup, all the hairstyles all of the exterior things that gain the attention of men.
You know that men like to look at nice-looking women. But what’s the point of getting attention if you can’t keep it? You’ve met guys and were mutually attracted but you know it’s coming… Boom! It all fades away. Attention is easy to get but difficult to maintain. You keep right on moving though, you want to finally find that one guy who you can finally build with and get to know.
This is the most disparaging thing about the whole dating process. But what about meeting a guy and he tells you all the wonderful things you’ve always wanted to hear. The vibe is right, the connection is good and the attraction is mutual. Then just as you can finally see yourself being more than just casual he pulls away. Sucks, I know! In this post, I want to share with you # things that keep a man’s attention.
Men Give Attention in Layers
You’ve probably heard that men like a challenge or men are hunters and want to chase. Well… I hate to break it to you but men only like challenges or chasing when it comes to sex. But when it comes to relationships, it’s quite different. Men prefer less friction but it has to come in layers. Think about your favorite book or movie. If they told you the whole story on the front page there’s no reason to read the whole book.
When it comes to challenges, let’s think about it like a movie or book that presents a storyline that is difficult to follow. Trying to follow along becomes exhausting and this is how it feels when women try to present challenges. I get it you don’t just want to “give all away” and want to be mysterious. But that usually applies to sex and not getting to know you. When most women think they’re putting up a challenge by making a man chase. The crazy thing is chasing never applies to getting to know you, it only applies to getting to know what’s underneath your dress. Cool, I get it and so do other men. They’ll wait it out until you are ready and then have sex a couple of times and next thing you know you’re in a “situationship.”
Keeping a man’s attention is more about presenting yourself in layers and not just waiting for him to put forth more effort. Think about how you got to where you are now in life, it didn’t just all happen overnight. It happened in layers, you went through childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, and so on. Eventually, you are where you are now.
There was a process that you had to go through to get to where you are now. That’s the beautiful part about getting to know someone, you get to know their process of arriving. I think when you get to that part you can consider getting into a relationship with someone. Sex should be a bonus, not the main prize. Connecting with someone should be the ultimate prize.
Men Hate Mystery But Love Surprises
Don’t be the type of woman that tries to be mysterious and end up being like the other women he’s dealt with. Surprise him with that amazing personality. Trust me what you’re saying to him about your career, goals, and go with the flow but asking relationship-driven questions is something a man that’s dating hears every weekend.
Every woman wants virtually the same things from the same guys. Dating is just a game of musical chairs. When I was single in Atlanta back in my hay day, I would see the same people every time I went out at different clubs doing the somethings every weekend. If I didn’t see those same people, I saw the same characters but in different people. It never changed and when I tell you it got boring fast… It was not fun dating and being single, so eventually, I stopped going out entirely.
I’d rather stay at home and watch movies, I’m sure you’ve been there as well. I started meeting women online and would rather meet at Starbucks rather than dinner and a movie date. I wanted to get to know them in the light and talk. Well, the problem was most of them were so caught up in being mysterious instead of being personable.
To me, that’s the best way to get and keep a man. It’s surprising to meet a woman who is just being herself and not trying to create this false impression of who she is. Let a man get to know the real you. I know you’re thinking “I tried that but they don’t stick around long enough to get to know me.” I got you!
Always Be You
Just yesterday I told a family friend similar advice, I told her to be herself. I don’t mean when you’re comfortable with someone, even when you’re uncomfortable with them also. There are a couple of things that lose the attention of men. The first thing is physical appearance. Be yourself and don’t try to make yourself look unnatural meaning you’re dark-complected but put on so much makeup you pass for a polar bear. Just kidding.
My point is on a physical level we manifest the things that we like about ourselves and the things we don’t like about ourselves. If your boobs sag a little don’t try and trick a brotha into thinking your breasts sit up that high on their own. As soon as he gets a chance to see them up close and personal they drop to your kneecaps. Not only that but we actuate the things that we feel most confident in.
Whether it’s your hair, feet, butt, or boobs you will make sure that they are on almost full display. That’s cool but is that all you are? I hope not, I hope you have more to offer than a pretty face and a nice body. Men get bored with that stuff over time and the ones that don’t act like they’re single anyway. I always tell women that for your nice pair of boobs or your big butt there are 50,000 more on Instagram. There’s a lot of competition.
There is no one competing to be you though. You are the only one of you, there are no others that possess the uniqueness that you have. So many women want to compete and look their best for attention that when they get the attention they haven’t invested in anything worth keeping. Again a nice body comes a dime a dozen but you are 1 in 7 billion+ people.
I’m not saying don’t put on your makeup, wig, and all the other stuff, but don’t let that be the thing that defines you. What’s under all that stuff is what makes the difference in whether or not you will keep a man’s attention.
Sex Only Keep A Man’s Sexual Attention
Yes, you can try the sex route and it will work for a while. Especially if you’re what he likes physically but it’ll only leave you feeling used. I asked my IG followers “Do you know how to be pursued by a man in a nonsexual way?” Meaning is a man genuinely wanted to get to know you and the idea of sex was way in the back of his mind how would you handle it? There were quite a few responses but they mainly said as platonic friends.
It hit me like a ton of bricks, sexual interest is mainly how a woman knows that a man is interested. If a man is just cool with getting to know you–you probably wouldn’t think he was interested. That touch of sexual energy lets a woman know when a man’s interested. To most men, that means that sexual energy is more important to women than it is to men. Of course, you don’t want every man to show you sexual interest but the guy you like most certainly does.
I said all of this because a man will give you sexual attention mainly to get and keep a woman’s interest, but just like you, we don’t need sexual energy every day. There’s more to life than that. It’s great in its place, but after you’ve had sex for the 100th time it’s just a part of what you do, not who you are.
Maybe you do want sex all the time and it consumes your life. But generally speaking, ain’t nobody sitting around having sex all day every day. There’s more to life than that and more to a relationship than sex. Don’t you want to be around someone with who you enjoy each other presence and sex? Of course, you do unless you’re getting paid for it, even then you still got to take some days off.
The moral of the story is if sex is the most important thing for you then, yes you will get a man’s attention. But only his sexual attention. He’ll only turn on the interest and attention switch when he wants to have sex but for everything else, he won’t include you. I know you have more to offer than that, but you have to know what it is that makes you unique. Sex is important but what’s most important is the woman attached to the vagina.
Be Friendly Not A Fool
The desire to want someone can be so strong that you get bent out of shape when he’s not giving you the attention or title that you want. But you got to be cool. The truth is the friendship door is the best. It’s hard to look for that door when you want more than just friendship. But I can’t tell you how many men say they want to marry their best friend. What they mean is they want a woman who can handle the truth.
A woman who’s comfortable hearing him say: “that’s a beautiful woman” and not feel offended by it. The truth is he’s thinking it, he just won’t say it to you. This means you don’t ever get to know who he is. You only get to know the version that he knows is acceptable. I tell my wife all the time when I see an attractive woman and I even point out what I find attractive about her. I don’t want her, but I can acknowledge there are attractive women out there who go out of their way to point attention to their best physical features.
Nothing wrong with them doing that. My point is my wife is my best friend and she knows I don’t want any other woman but her. She’s confident in that because we are friends and she’s not foolish enough to believe that other women are not attractive. This keeps me focused on her because I know she can handle my thoughts. Since she knows my thoughts, she has a better understanding of me.
When you create the space for a man to genuinely be who he is, he will continue to give you his attention because he knows you are secure with yourself enough to know that even if she does have a nicer body than me, I’m the best thing for you. This is the type of energy you have to have to keep a man’s attention. It’s calm and unassuming, not forcing him to comply but understanding who he is and putting yourself in a position to know more about him than he knows about himself.
The woman who knows the most about a man wins him. It’s true! Men want intimacy and intimacy means to know. The more you know about a man, the more opportunity you have to create a bond that he feels with you alone.
Keeping a man’s attention is more about you on the inside than it is on the outside. It doesn’t stop there of course most of it is your choice of men. You could very well want the wrong type of man for yourself. Men and women alike are attracted to people that other people want. If you find someone attractive more than likely someone else does also.
We like what other people like! So it’s safe to say they probably have other options. You have to know what sets you apart from other options and if you use what you read in this post and add a little patience, you’ll see that you’re someone’s best option and eliminate any other completion. But if you try to be and do the same thing that others do, you will lose yourself in trying to compete for a prize that will never be yours.
Author:Coach R. Anthony
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