Why Men Don’t Open Up to You!
Have you ever wondered why men you choose don’t open up to you or end up being emotionally unavailable? You might begin to think that you are the problem and only men who don’t care for you. Subconsciously, every moment of silence becomes a red flag. This inadvertently pushes men away and causes them to withdraw even more.
Most women when first getting to know a guy doesn’t ask the right questions to know where his emotional boundaries are. That’s right! Every man has emotional boundaries and barriers. I like to define it as a foreign emotional territory because most men have never been there and most women will never get there either.
Matter of fact, this is how men typically decide who and who not to get into a relationship with. As men want to feel also, we have dreams of being prince charming and coming in rescuing a woman and falling in love also. Everyone wants to feel good about being in love and we are no exception.
What Are Emotional Barriers?
You might be thinking that emotional barriers are a bad thing. I did also until I realized one day while working on The Secret Love Language of Men course. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Emotional barriers and boundaries are necessary for real love because how else would a man know he’s in love?
To be honest, it would be quite difficult to stay in a relationship if they weren’t there. What I mean is as a man goes through the dating phase and meets a variety of women how will he know who to choose? How would he know who to stay with? The only way to know–is if a woman has the keys that unlock emotions that are hidden within a man.
Now when I say hidden, I don’t exactly mean intentionally hidden. I mean there are emotions that we as humans don’t have access to on our own. This is why the dating process can work if you’re open. It gives someone the opportunity to see if they are the ones to open you up on various emotional levels.
Our Deepest Emotions Are Hidden
This understanding allowed me to see why a man chooses one woman over the other. She was able to tap into hidden emotions that are deep inside unlike any other woman. This can happen because of timing, circumstances surrounding how they met, similar experiences, or preference.
Whatever way it happens certain women have the ability to push through these emotional barriers into an emotional space that causes a man to look at her differently from any other woman on earth. It’s really not something that you can force but it is something that you can prepare to do.
Because our emotions play a major role in who we fall in love with its only natural that when it happens these hidden emotions begin to surface and are expressed. This is what the scripture means by “For out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.” Luke 6:45
The heart is where our emotions are hidden and once a woman does so, we bond with them. The scripture makes reference to this also “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24
Why Men Fall Out of Love
I also realized that there is the other side of the coin. As a relationship continues, if a couple gets complacent their connection dies. Emotions are a deep well and change over time. Why? Because we change and begin to see things differently and with these changes come different emotions. Couples can be together for years even though they’ve drifted far apart and have become strangers.
This happens because they no longer share the same experiences and similarities giving way for others to come into their relationship. Men do this all the time when they stop communicating with their women or she feels that she doesn’t get the attention that she needs.
So couples stop getting to know each other on an intimate level and this is usually when men fall out of deep love to a more surface level of love. His emotional barriers are back up and his feelings go back into hiding. This is why it is so important for a woman to know how to connect with her man after the initial honeymoon phase of a relationship.
Men feel that they got too ahead of themselves because the feelings that they felt aren’t the same. I remember watching Eddie Murphy’s Raw stand up and he described it like eating a cracker. He said “Hey… I just got some regular old crackers.” It’s funny but this is how most men feel when the relationship slows down and their emotional barriers close back up.
What Keeps A Man Interested?
Keeping a man interested and looking at you the same way will require a few things and the good thing is they start within you. That’s probably not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. Knowing what you have to offer in a relationship is important but not the most important. The key to keeping a man is your ability to change for the better!
As much as women like to talk about men not changing, there were some amazing women that I met years ago and they are still the same. Some still look amazing and have made physical improvements but eventually, that will fade. There are millions of beautiful women in the world so there is plenty of competition for looks.
But no woman can compete when the beauty is internal. I say this because it takes some time to see the internal beauty hiding within a woman. It takes a millisecond to see her physical beauty, easy come easy go! Flowers are beautiful but only last a few weeks or months but a beautiful tree lasts years!
Sometimes it takes a while for a man to see the true beauty of a woman, sometimes it doesn’t. I took ONE look at my wife on an Instagram picture and knew she was the one. Her physical beauty got my attention but her internal beauty got my heart and continues to do so every day.
Learn to Give and See Your Value
A friend recently reposted a meme on Facebook that said “HOW TO KEEP A MAN?” It listed different ways women try to keep a man and at the end of it, it read “The only thing that’ll keep a man is a man that wants to be kept.” The crazy part is that every man wants to be kept that gets into a relationship, especially a marriage. The problem is being aware of those changes and being let in as things change.
Not only that but being able to know who your man truly is. So many women are afraid to ask tough questions and get into relationships with men they really don’t know. When you know your value past the exterior he will also. Another thing to add; trying to keep up with all of the latest tea and gossip will only hinder you from seeing who you really are and what you have. Because it clouds judgment and invites bad energy into your relationship.
Proverbs 18:8 says “The words of a gossip are like tasty morsels, and they go down into a person’s innermost parts.” Our hearts are the innermost parts and when gossip enters into our spirits it makes who we are toxic. We become what we eat! Our value is tied into what we consume through our ears and eyes. This is just one way we lose sight of who we are.
The other way is jealousy and competition. We see something or someone that other people like and try to become like them and end up losing ourselves. But you, yes you are more than enough! You have everything you need to become the woman that a man will continuously bond to. Never lose sight of that because that is where your power lies when it comes to keeping a man.
Like Attracts Like!
Openness begets openness. When someone has continuous relationship failures it becomes easy to believe that no one wants you or should want you. That energy has no choice but to manifest somewhere along the line. There’s only so long before the truth of who we are surfaces to the top. Men are no different when it comes to shortcomings, this is why it is so important to pay attention to the types of men you attract.
Attraction is not as simple as saying “I don’t have any felonies so I shouldn’t attract felons.” Attracting someone is more about similar energy than similar circumstances. When it comes to the type of men you attract and why they don’t open up to you or see your value, you have to look at it as a puzzle.
What pieces are you missing and what pieces does the other person have? Not only that but what does the picture look like when it’s put together? Is it one filled with heartache and disappointment? If so, then the puzzle needs to be reexamined by you in order to stop attracting the people and outcomes that you don’t want. Trust me there are some good men out there that want a good woman to bond to. But if you’re not ready for them, then you will push them away to a woman that has the right key.
Start by changing the way you think about relationships, dating, yourself by subscribing to our newsletter, and reading The Husband Material Guide found in our shop.
Peace & Blessings
Author:Coach R. Anthony
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